Just been busy, is all.
Don’t count me out. I’m just getting started!
There are days when I think everyone online is talking about me. The blog posts are about me. The tweets are about me. The articles reference things I’ve said or done or written. And they all seem to be judging me.
I really don’t have a big ego. I’m not full of myself at all.
It stems from being in such a place of insecurity and uncertainty that I’m assuming everything and everyone are pointing a judgemental finger at me. I’m looking for reflections of myself in order to find fault with myself. That’s one of the pitfalls of our online culture. It’s too easy to wallow in the muck because there is so much muck out there. But it’s not muck I’m reading. It’s good things from trusted sources. From people who seem to “know” me. They seem to be in my head, putting my shame into writing.
I know, it’s not about me.
There is a particular person in my life that likes to say to me, “It’s not about you.” Most things aren’t. I’m not crazy….I do get that concept. I just happen to be in a feeling blue/funk/depression and this is how it manifests itself. The real people in my life are loving and supportive and wonderful, so I must look to the non-real “people” in my life to point out my flaws so that I can justify being down on myself.
Oh, and you know what makes it worse? My own blog. I look back on my own posts and think “what a pile of crap”. That’s when I start calling my ego to task. So really there is not one safe place for me online when I’m in this kind of mood.
So bring on the holidays, excited kids and other possibilities. I need to shake out of this funk and stop all of the fingers that faux point at me. *It really isn’t all about me.
Another local blogger has a view on this topic as well. Meet Counting My Spoons and her take on “It’s Not All About You”.
Week 14 of the Rocket City Bloggers Year Long Blogging Challenge is here and I find that I’m behind again. Catch up time!
Week 13 Question: What goals are you currently pursuing?
Stream of conscience goals: Be better at teaching and mothering my son who is going through a phase (I hope) of getting into trouble at school every day. To write more, not less. To be patient with my boys. To read more words found on paper and not just on a screen. To find time for my new hobby, which I’ve sorely neglected since Christmas. To continue to improve my body image and self esteem. To put into my life a regular fitness routine.
Concrete summer goal: Paint and beautify mud-room. Hang more framed pictures.
2013 year goal: Lose 20 lbs.
Week 14 Question: What is the most memorable meal you have ever had?
Answer: I’ve thought long and hard on this, and I would have to say it was a nondescript Mexican restaurant in Connecticut. And that surprised me. But, I kept coming back to the appetizer I had during that meal as it was probably the most amazing thing I’ve ever eaten in my life. So I had no choice but to label it my most memorable meal.
A quick search on the Google, and I found the name of the restaurant to be Jalapeno Heaven in Branford, CT. The most amazing thing I’ve ever eaten in my life was the appetizer called QUESO FLAMENDO “Our blend of white cheeses melted over chorizo sausage, flambéed tableside, rolled in warm flour tortillas.” See, they flambé it in front of you when they bring it out….so you have a flaming bowl of cheese! Let me repeat that – a flaming bowl of cheese! When it flames out, you dip down in and there is this super greasy chorizo. To. Die. For.
I have an ongoing love affair with melted cheese. This all makes sense, see. The melted cheese factors into my goals as listed above. It’s all tied together…all links of the chain that is my life.